Sometimes I wonder how I feel, not that I actually know what I feel, compared to other people. I wonder how I feel at certain times, certain situations, and certain feelings compared to how other people feel them. I know it's a dumb thing to do, looking at others to set a standard for yourself. It shouldn't really matter a whole lot how you feel compared to others, but I can't help myself. Any who, I guess I would never truly know how someone would feel about something, and there's really no point in wondering. But if I tell myself, "Well, I'm not exactly really spiffy right now...", how would I ever know if I'm actually sad at all? I'm absolutely sure no matter how sad I ever get, at any one moment, there will be someone a lot worse off, maybe even in a similar situation. It's probably the same for me being happy too. I probably won't ever go into the extreme ends of either one, I'll always hover somewhere in the middle, which is probably a terrible idea itself.

But sometimes I see people that really seem anguished. They really seem happy. They really seem like they're going through something, and I feel like I would never be able to match those emotional highs and lows. It makes me think what I'm going through, if I'm going through anything at all. Of course...I'll never know...

I'm not sure I ever want to know to be honest. Sometimes, the truth really does hurt. Sometimes, it's easier to just lie to yourself, easier, but not exactly "better".

If you went through your whole life, thinking of all the wouldas, couldas, shouldas, the has beens, you'd go crazy, but if you never cared about, if you forgot about, them at all, you'd be ignorant and shallow.

Then I realized well, I'm not really going through anything at all now am I? Other people actually have problems, me, my problem is not having a problem to blame anything on. I will always be "ok", and quite frankly, I'm ok with that. It's a fairly bad way to think that you'll always be just ok, but either I've gotten used to the fact or I'm just not willing to do anything about it. Maybe it's both.

One day, as I prepared to take my usual late-night shower, I came across an apiphany of some random kind. Turns out I did have a problem, me. It wasn't the worlds fault, or just some happening, or I'm just unlucky, or not fortunate. I have no right to blame everything else in the world, but I will anyway, I wouldn't be able o live if I blamed absolutely everything on myself. I realized that I was my own prison. I am those cold, bars, that damp, rotten stench, that dark, erry feeling, the seclusion, that broken key. I hold myself in, and by jove (whatever that means...) I ain't letting myself out.

Maybe, though, someday, I'll get out. Maybe someday I'll realize that there was never a prison. Maybe I'll realize that all this was just another one of the many excuses I've made in my life. Maybe that day is today.

Right from Wrong

(credit: http://ice-frog.home.insightbb.com for image!)

First off, I would like to announce the release of the Info-Center's Blog Mechanics Guide. Technically, it was released August 5, but I haven't had the chance to actually announce it until now :). Also, the History page has been re-done, and more images have been added.

Okay, back to my article.

Impressions and impressing...

Sendak, I see your point. I know things can get monotonous, and that's why I won't actually be writing an article on impressions. Rather, I'll just talk about recent events.

Like I've said previously before in my past article, leaving an embarrassing impression is the most dreaded impression you can leave. But, as M.G.E. has stated, leaving good impressions will stay with people just as long as an embarrassing one. Many years into the future, just as people know you as the one with the nightlight, they'll know you as the one with the generous personality. Either way, impressions are impressions. -shrug-

*****

So many prideful things are associated with the Olympics. The monthly theme of 'Pride and Prejudice' has long passed, but the subject of the Olympics is too good to pass.

As you may already know, the Olympics only come around once every four years (well, two years if you consider both Winter and Summer). Athletes from all over the world compete to be named "Champion of ___". A very worthy title indeed. A great flood of pride showers you whenever you win something as big as that. Not only do you feel it, but your entire country will feel it as well. I'm sure Michael Phelps is very proud of what he has done, but I'm also sure his mother is very proud as well—to have such a son is a pride well-earned.

One very discussed subject—whether the Chinese women gymnasts' ages are credible—keeps on arising. I agree with the blogger on Yahoo!'s Fourth Place Medal blog. The IOC (International Olympics Committee) should throw in an investigation on this matter. Why? If, truly, the girls are 16 and are valid, they don't deserve all this suspicion and evil gossip. They should enjoy their gold medals happily. But, if in fact, they are not 16, than the competition should play fair, and the gold medals should be rightfully awarded to the Americans. See? Either way, an investigation would bring truth and honesty to all. But everyone is still wondering why the IOC hasn't done this sooner. Is it a sign of pride and respect to China, the host nation? Is it because of money? One thing's for sure—this is the Olympics, and fair play should be expected no matter what.

Oh, and that Swedish wrestler that stormed off the podium and threw his bronze medal on the floor—shame on him. I'm not afraid to say that, because seriously...some people dream of getting to the Olympics, and dream of even getting any medal at all. You should respect the medal, its competitors, and everything that you earn. You were blessed to get this opportunity, yet you threw it away as if it was yesterday's trash.

Ah, that was a nice ramble from me. It's just some topics that were bugging my head the past couple days.

Cheers,
-the clam.