new perspective?

On bad days, Tegan tended to enjoy singing at the top of her lungs in the shower. And on this particular day, she knows it'll be horrible simply because her shower is broken and her throat hurts. All her good clothes are either dirty, or lost in the array of her house.

On top of that, her cat is missing, her nails are too long, and she has to go to a reunion filled with a bunch of her "friends" from high school. "Friends" meaning a hundred people who you saw everyday for four years who didn't know much about you except that you had an interesting name and wore too much black.

"Friends" also meaning the same people who Tegan occasionally sees but doesn't acknowledge because they don't recognnize her as the girl who had a mental breakdown on prom (Not that she ever likes to dwell on that).

In short, Tegan knew the moment she couldn't work the shower was the worst omen she could ever possibly get. She knew that by the end of the day she would be ready to sleep for a good twelve hours after eating entirely too much comfort food and writing a few angsty twitter status updates. A petty way to cope with a not-so perfect day.

It was a Tuesday.

------------

On good days, Jack finds lucky heads-up pennies on the floor. Today, he's already found two. He's feeling good, and he's looking forward to finally getting to see his friends from high school. It's been four years, he's changed, but he's still Jack. The same guy who everyone liked. Not loved, but liked. He's ready to spend the night being nostalgic and to come home with a few phone numbers. He's ready to wake up to nurse a hangover and go to work where his lovely receptionist will greet him with a knowing smile.

Jack used to be an unlucky character, but now he's got all the luck in the world. He's gone from average-joe to cool guy, and he's ready to show everyone that he could've been one of the ones everyone envied.

Before leaving to his reunion, Jack helps the old lady across the hall get a few groceries and earns twenty dollars and nail clippers. He finds a particularly chubby cat and brings it back to his apartment and feeds it some tuna. He takes a hot shower and wears clothes that he's sure look good on him. He's ready for a good night, a good way to end a good day.

It was a Tuesday.

---------

Tegan reaches the too-fancy restaurant late. As always. She enters the room and everyone's already laughing at something some good-looking guy is saying. She's looking around at somewhat familiar strangers, and they're all turning their heads towards her in confusion.

They don't recognize her, of course.

"Hi," Tegan says, and she makes sure to stretch a little so they can take a good look at the killer-body her job has forced her to acquire. "What have I missed?"

She notices the looks change in two ways. Everyone's thinking either A) who the heck is that? or B) holy damn look at those abs. Inside, she's already wishing she wasn't there.

"Um, hey, no mean to sound rude or anything," says one particularly rude good-looking guy, "But who are you and why do we have such an honor?"

"Ohhh, you don't know me?" Tegan says and she laughs a little, "that makes me so sad!"

"Yeah," says a rather creepy fellow eyeing her up and down, "It makes me sad, too."

Eventually, everyone goes back to talking and Tegan's sitting at the edge of the room, drinking her fifth glass of (you guessed it) water. She sees all the familiar faces, just aged a few years in time. Nobody's changed much, but at the same time everyone's different.

"Hi, Tegan," says a cheery voice, "thought nobody recognized you, huh?"

Tegan looks up in surpise and is even more surprised to see that it's Jack. Or, rather, a very good looking and confident version of what used to be Jack. She thinks her life can't get any worse, but next thing she knows he's sitting down and leaning in close.

"How've you been?" she says, leaning away. "You look great."

He smiles and she notices that his teeth are perfectly straight. Something that Jack didn't have in High School. "I've been great. You don't look bad yourself."

She smiles comprehensively. He didn't even know.

-----

He was working the room, and he was working the people. Jack was confident that at the end of the night, he'd finally get the attention of the hottest girl of the room. In the case of Senior year it would've been Macy, but Macy now has big huge implants that everyone knows aren't natural except for her. It is at the interruption of no one other than Tegan, when Jack realizes that he isn't the only one has changed.

Everyone doesn't recognize Tegan, but Jack does straight off the bat. She's dressed clothes that show off areas that not many aren't confident to show off, but she wears herself just as she always does- away. When she's addressing the people, though, he notices a sort of switch she makes: from Tegan to Mystery girl. He doesn't know much about Tegan, but he sure wants to know about Mystery girl.

So, he approaches her as she sulks in the corner of the room, and once they start talking, he sees the switch come on, and Tegan fade away.

"What have you been doing since we've graduated?"

She smiles, "Oh, just a few things here and there."

He grins, making sure to show off his perfect smile. "Cool, cool. So listen, I'd love to keep in touch with you after tonight. It seems we never really got to talk back then, but I'd like to now."

She smirks. "No kidding?"

----

Tegan was sure he was kidding. Not only was he coming on too strongly, but he had to be kidding if he thought that she'd want to talk to him again after this night.

"No kidding," and once again Tegan gets a good douse of too much crest-whitening.

"Well," she says and she smiles at him coyly, "I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that way." She's getting out of there. Pronto. "But, I don't have a pen.."

He looks disappointed, just a little, but takes out his phone. "Just give me yours, and I'll call myself with it.

She can't believe she didn't think of that. She really can't.

Hesitantly, she gives him her phone and just like that, the deal is done. The fate is sealed. She was going to have to go out with him on another day and as kindly as she can.. reject him. All cause her stupid shower didn't work. All cause all her good clothes were in the wash and she had to wear her stupid slut clothes.

What a great night.

-----

Jack was sure he was getting a second date and more from Tegan. He was feeling her, and she was feeling him. He was sure of it. He smiled at her again, and he stood up.

"Want something to drink?"

She shook her head. "I don't drink."

He nodded, "Me neither." Lie. "I think it's so dumb to get wasted." Lie again.

She looked surprised, but pleasantly so. "Really? That's really good to hear." She stood up, looking at her watch. "Look, I'm really sorry, but I have to get going. Call me?"

Jack smiled. He had her. "Of course" He watched her walk away, and walked towards the bar for a beer.

What a great night.

what's yours is...mine?

suddenly it seems I'm aware

of everything in front of me

what's beneath

what's above

everything within reach

a smack in the face

a chilling spine

everything that's yours

is also mine

I want it to be

you, me, everyone we know

sharing these things

experiencing

pain and comfort

love and hate

everything.

how inappropriate

Does anyone ever get the feeling that we're all growing up too fast? Maybe it's because we're young, but when I stop and think it feels as if time has flown much too soon. One minute, we're learning about cooties, and the next we're having standpoints on same sex marriage and abortion. I'm not sure if in our parents days, kids were as knowledgeable as they are now of sex, but I've got to talk about this because...well... it's just so appropriate.

For me, sexuality is something that everybody goes through at some point. Whether it's coming out of the closet, or coming out of your clothing, I guess you could say that no matter what it's going to happen. A perfect example is the forty-year-old virgin. My point is this: when sexuality awakens, we should embrace it. No matter what our parents say, or what everyone else says, you shouldn't be ashamed of something that is both natural and perfectly normal in your mind's eye/heart/soul. You can't help the things that attract you just like how you can't help whichever gender you're born.

This can be put into aspect by how parents tend to shy away from telling their kids anything about sex. For one, it seems almost as if they believe that if their kid isn't exposed to anything having to do with it, they won't get pregnant. However, they tend to forget that kids aren't stupid. They "get bored, and have intercourse". In my honest opinion, I believe that it is better to be safe than sorry.

While my aunt believes that commercials about 'it's not even there' condoms is inappropriate, I choose to believe that it's a good thing to be informed. It's good to have our options open.

I just think when it comes down to sexuality, we don't even have to think explicitly. I think that with it, comes the feelings associated with love. The 'heart skipping' and 'pulse stopping' feelings. Your first kiss, first hand-holding, first embrace. In the end, I think that it all contributes to making you feel alive. You become aware of yourself, and what's more, the person who you're with or after. In the end, when it "awakens", I guess a part of you is awakening, too, right?

rated what?

karma police

p.s. TWO HUNDRED, WHAT?

I was pretty sure it was moooooooog....like the cow.

Yesterday, I managed to get all of my old music out of my old computer. I hate to admit it, but somehow Vista came in handy during this. Although I'm pretty sure it fucked up somewhere along the process. Anyway, while I rummaged through all this old music, half of the stuff on there I hardly recognized. It had been so long, and perhaps I never really listened to most of the stuff. Hell, I still don't. So I wonder, "Why do I even have this stuff?". Apparently I just decided to get whatever I thought sounded alright, a whole album maybe, or half of it. Or people gave me them, or whatever. But what's the point of having all this music that you aren't really attached to? Hm, after all this, I briefly begin to question my own motives, as I often do, since I'm pretty sure I'm a lazy biased jackass. But I realize that I wanted all this music, to prove the little fucking individuality I have. There's really no point. After coming up with this conclusion I decided to think no further, since I don't like thinking about things anyway. But, what is our fascination with individuality? There's nothing to it, it really is absolutely nothing. It's a big piece of shit that we like to eat up a lot. Perhaps the less you try, the more "against the grain" you'll become. Although I'd say it's also a damn good marketing plea, along the lines of "you deserve everything because your perfect and how to get exactly what you want" and "your not good enough just yet, but with this and this you can be". Just look at Chuck Taylor Converse, fuck they're the shoe of our fucking generation but people love them anyway. What about all those magazines that tell you how to get your perfect body, or your perfect spouse? Fucking feminists. Although that doesn't mean men aren't dickheads, because well we are.

and so...just like Tegan and Sara this past week have done...I'm back and gone again.

-digitadelay

where are you?

Does anyone ever notice that when finding something new, you tend to feel "revived" (or whatever)? It's like... you find a shirt that looks really freaking good on you, and just by wearing it you feel like a completely new person. You find a band that nobody's heard of, and suddenly you feel like you're in on the best kept secret of this century. Or, maybe, it doesn't even have to be something new. It could be something old. Something you forgot about. Running into old friends and seeing the change in them, it makes you really aware that you are the way you are. It makes you wonder if in their eyes, you've changed, too.

When people think of revived, what do they think of? Reincarnation? Refreshed? Renewed? I guess all those apply, but for me, right now, it's that feeling of being aware you're alive. It's looking around, blinking a few times, and seeing the world from a light that you don't normally see it. Suddenly, everything's different, right? Suddenly, for one moment, it's like you've FOUND THAT MISSING PIECE! (coughcough). It's not for forever, but it's for a moment. For one moment you're feeling complete, and completely happy and content about your life.

I guess when it comes to this kind of stuff- finding that missing piece- you can't really look for it, but you can't really sit around waiting, either. It's like that method of taking off a ring that's stuck on your finger, or looking for something you really want. You have to pretend you don't want to find it, or look away and tell yourself that the ring isn't even on your finger in the first place. So, I guess, if you think mathematically, you can tell yourself 'I don't want to find my missing piece...' and your missing piece will find you.....?

I'm not sure if that works, but it's worth a shot, right?

But, my dear great escape, I think that when it comes to these things there's not telling. There is never a guarantee on whether or not that missing piece will make you feel happy. Just like how the other pieces to you aren't always ones that make you happy. You have to think of circumstances, and various factors. I mean, what if the missing piece has a tendency to change shape every once in a while? I don't think people have one solid shape, therefore, the missing piece that you seek will always be fluctuating... right?

I don't know, but for me, it seems unsettling that the one thing that can make you happy/happier is something that you don't know, yet know all at once. But then again, isn't everything always a little unsettling? Oooh.. How thrilling !

here I am !

karma police