The Edge of Safe

Guilt can be one of several banes and spoils, but is it not just desert? There’s a reason guilt is there in the first place. Guilt doesn’t allow you to focus and look ahead. It grasps you and keeps you put, paralyzed, capsized in a raging storm with no way out. When you stay in that storm, you can’t really expect to fare all too well. But your pride can get in the way. Arrogance keeps you in the storm guilt trapped you in. You’re not willing to admit defeat, even when you know the battle was never winnable in the first place. You don’t change, you don’t plan to, and you don’t see it ever really happening, even though you want to get out of the storm.

Some people need to be taken down. They need to be forced to do something. To be told to. It’s not like they’re slaves or anything, but they don’t trust themselves. They don’t think they’re capable of anything, and they don’t they deserve anything. They know that whatever choice they make is usually crap, as it’s based off of themselves, and their views, which are crap too.

People don’t change. Really, pretty much everyone has their roots firmly planted in the ground. Yes, there are exceptions, but for the most part, people don’t change. You may look at them and tell yourself, “I’d love to eat a donut right now, and what the hell happened to you?”, but maybe, you never really knew that person. Maybe it was all a fake, and you never bothered to see past it, to dig a bit deeper than what was on the surface. I mean, just look at oil, it’s not exactly sitting there in a little puddle waiting to be used now is it?

You only get a few seconds to make a decision, but you have a million hours to regret, applaud, or not give a shoot about that decision. From the smallest thing in the world, to the most gut-wrenching, you could regret it for the rest of your life, which would be terribly unhealthy. Yet you can’t help but look back and say, what a dope I was. I just wasted a few seconds, plus those million hours, of precious time.

With those million hours you used up thinking back, you were probably talking to yourself in the head, or at least imagining yourself talking to...something. Whatever it is, it can be annoying having to listen to yourself for so long (at least for me it is).

When you fall in the dirt face first, who’s there to help you back? Plenty of people, actually. Lifting yourself up all the time can get tiring; I’m not exactly a 10 lbs. dumbbell now am I?

You know the feeling, and you see it coming from miles away, but hey, you stick around anyway. (hehe…rhymes…)

-digital delay

Sweetness Follows

Is it possible to be so afraid of being paranoid that you become that very fear? The mere thought of something affects the outcome of something else, maybe ironically. The brain is everywhere at once, and yet it's going nowhere at the same time.

Oddly enough, or ironically, or maybe not oddly at all, opposites sometimes go hand in hand. Sweetness can follow bitterness, or vice-versa. Paranoia can be followed by a sense of calming, or the other way around, the calm before the storm. Innovation travels with waste, darkness marches with light, understanding lurks behind confusion.

Another, slight, oxymoron is ignorant bliss. Most people would associate ignorance as a bad thing. Almost arrogant, it’s as if you blindly walk wit your eyes closed ahead into a well lit area. Yet, bliss, is generally a good thing. It’s being happy, content, satisfied. How can two such contradictory things go together? All at the same time, it makes complete sense. If your completely ignorant, you don’t really give a @#$% about anything at all, so how could you be unhappy? You see things the way you want to see things, so you’re happy, but still foolishly, but you’re happy. But is it worth it? Is closing your mind off to reason really worth achieving something so unobtainable? How can you consider it being happy if you’re in that state so foolishly? Or is happy just happy? Maybe the impossible thing to do, is the only thing to do. A balance, not perfect, but enough of one, of both.

While two emotions messing things up together, a much more potent potion could quite possibly be one alone. A dumb, but to the point metaphor could be, would you rather have two two dollar bills, or one five dollar bill? I don’t know about you people, but I much rather see one thing that just brings a smile to your face, every time, instead of seeing two things that just cheer you up a bit. Those kinds of things seem to be missing in the world all too often. It’s like that song, “it’s the only thing that there’s just, too little of…”…or however that thing went. Just that thing that gets you every time…

When your head starts to spin, you start to hear everything around you, albeit in distorted bursts of noise, and yet while you sit there with your head boiling, you feel completely stoned at the same time. Almost as if you’re sick, and your head just starts to feel dizzy and you stagger around helplessly. You have no idea of what to do. So all you do, is sit there.

Perhaps all those feelings mixed together, all the contradicting thoughts, could that be bipolar? Does all this craziness mean you manic-depressive? Or are these emotions just impossible to describe? I’m probably just doing a cruddy job, but they seem like things where you don’t describe, you just let it pass. You let it pass just as you let the rest of the world pass before your eyes, as you sit there, staring blankly, at nothing of vague interest at all.


-digital delay