I Hold

You know you shouldn’t hold it, you know you should drop it, leave it behind. Forget about it, but you can’t. You hold it in, whatever it is, a loss, a victory, a mistake, a misunderstanding, or humiliation. You hold it, and you feel it. You don’t embrace it, you try to shun it. But you hold onto it anyway. You never let it go, you never let it fade. It haunts you always, maybe not at every second or moment of your life, but it fades back into memory occasionally or perhaps constantly. It could be the littlest thing in the world, but it will build up. It will build, grow, soon enough, it could be this massive object that creeps behind your footsteps, and waits for you to fall. If you fall, and this object has grown enough, then you might not get back up. You could be pinned down, and forced to let it go. You could be forced to do the thing you were so afraid to do, the thing you refused to do, would not do. Finally, it is gone. But the manner it which it left may not be so subtle. Now, a new burden could be placed on you. The eyes all around you see you, watch you, and focus on nothing but you. The pressure builds, the weight becomes unbearable. You know you shouldn’t, you know, especially when you feel it building, but who cares really.

When you sit back, and you look back, you wonder, what were you even looking for in the first place? What were you searching for? What made you do this in the first place?

-digital delay

the dark knight!

Moving in Circles

Sometimes you feel so great, proud, and indestructible so to say. Then about five seconds later you realize that just means that you’re arrogant and you’re the prime epitome of jackassery. Even though you tell yourself that really, you’re not the greatest in the world, in this country, in this state/province/region, probably not even in a 50 foot radius of where you sit at this moment, of whatever, you can’t help but have that thought linger in the back of your head. Who could survive without ever thinking gosh, maybe I really am good at something, even if that thought is squashed immediately, it still lingers. Sometimes, those thoughts can creep up on you, and you spin right off course.

Hope keeps you alive, it keeps you running. With no hope, there is no reason, there is no point. There has to be some kind of driving force, something that can move you. With no destination, you wander endlessly on an endless road. Yet all at the same time, the road goes no farther, and yet you still drive on, toward nowhere.

Even when you have a kind of destination, you may not know how to get there. Is this worse than not having a destination at all? That’s debatable. Perhaps, as I’ve stated some long time ago, the point of the journey is to find the destination. But not knowing how to get there, could quite possible be just as frustrating. There is no map, no plan of action, no blueprint, and so, you run on what you carry with you, or inside of you. And sometimes you feel, that that’s not enough, and every time, you fall short.

-digital delay