EPICAC

I just read today the saddest, sweetest I can think of at the moment. Perhaps the saddest, sweetest thing I’ve ever known, or maybe that I can think of at the moment. It is the short story “EPICAC”, by Kurt Vonnegut. Here’s the full story, or for those who don’t care for something that’s that long (it’s not long at all…), here’s the Wikipedia summary of it.

For those of you who don’t care for either of those, I’ll give a really short and lazy version of it. There’s this dude who is in love with this girl who never says yes to his constant proposals. So, he goes to this supercomputer thingermabobber where they work. He asks it to write love poems for him, and soon enough, the girl is wooed. However, when he asks the computer for the perfect proposal, the computer tells him that it’s in love with that girl too. After reasoning to it that it is a machine and blahblahblah, he goes on to propose to that girl and she says yes as long as he writes her a poem every anniversary. The next day, it happens that the supercomputer thing blew it self up, but before that, it made enough love poems for the dude to keep his end of the bargain for 500 years.

It’s so sad how this “machine” (the narrator says that it was less of a machine than other people he knew…, it was also his best friend) finally gets a problem it can’t solve, and that it never will solve. Although, instead of being a huge jackass about it, like it could have been, it does a really sincere gesture for his friend.

The end

I don’t what the point of this was

I wonder if EPICAC stands for anything specific…

Lalalalalalalalala

the end

sorry...

-digitaldelay

Midnight.

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You know what I'm excited about???
The movie TWILIGHT that will come out this December!!!
...and the fourth book of the series, Breaking Dawn!
You have no idea...

The other day, I thought I could get a headstart at getting the book before it comes out. So I went to my library and requested a book (you can do that nowadays) so that when it comes out (which is August 2nd...*gasp*...the countdown begins), I can be one of the first to borrow it...
Smart right?
Except, it turns out that I'm like, the 348th person on the waiting list.
What luck.

Some people have asked, Will Twilight become the next Harry Potter? That's bold. Personally, I'm a HUGE Harry Potter fan.....But then again, I'm a big Twilight fan, also. The series draws the attention of teenage girls and women of all ages...It's just fantastic. One fictional story can hold only so much imagination. The plot and characteristics of it all is so interesting and intriguing.

But then again, I've felt inspired by many books before.
...Let's just say, I didn't know it was possible to fall in love with a fictional book character ;D *Dreamy sigh**Sa-wooooon*
(J/K!...but not really...in a way...You know what I mean...)

Anyway, back to my point...
I don't really have a point, but since the theme is about expectations, I hope my expectations aren't too high for the upcoming Twilight movie...I've been keeping up with the new updates, watching the trailer (more than once, I might add), and stuff like that...It's rare that a movie is as good as the book, with detail and descriptions, but it's possible that a movie can come close...And I hope it does. (Although I don't expect it to be.)

Expect nothing,
-my.great.ESCAPE.

A Guide On: How to Pick Up a Chick

Hello there earthlings, this is I, Karma Police and my dear friend (GASP) mourning.glory. Yes, that's right TWO people, isn't that utterly amazing!? Not really, but this is a first.

So our topic; how to get the girl.

Everyone on here talks about relationships, but have none. (No offense... I'm sure you're all beautiful people...) So, to get one of those relationships, follow this guide!

Now, honestly, we don't know how to "get a girl", but this is how you could win OUR hearts (and many others of our kind [aka girls]).

TIP #1: Be awkward; Now isn't that funny? Awkwardness!? Attracting!? Amazing, we dig a guy who stutters on a few words. It shows that he's nervous, and genuinely likes the girl. NOT a player. :)

Tip #2: Don't pick your nose in public!; So this is pretty much... self explanatory. We figured you'd know this already, but we wanted to make sure. This also counts for other disgusting things a guy might do, on his OWN time alone. That includes showing off your latest scab. Even if it DOES look like George Washington! (They don't make you seem manly)

Tip #3: Don't brag; What girl wants a cocky guy who's more interesting in his hair than her smile? Honestly, some girls like cocky guys more, but that's not us. (Not that we're trying to wave a flag here...)

Tip #4: Caution- ROMANCE NOVELS; The chances are that if a girl has a Romance book in her hand, her expectations will be higher. I mean, you're no Edward Cullen! (But if you are....?) So try to catch the object of your affection off guard.

Tip #4.5: HOWEVER; Romance novels are the key to a girl's heart- In other words they're your study guides. Kind of like 'Dating For Dummies', except in larger quantity. Sure, you might get a few odd looks from your fellow lads, but it pays off. Cause if a guy can pull off Dexter (This Lullaby), then he can get any girl he wants. Seriously. Just don't get the "rated NC-17" ones, with more AHEMAHEM than actual love. Ack.

Tip #5: Be Creative; We understand this completely contradicts what we just said, but romance novels are just your GUIDE. Copying moves that obviously don't work for you (like if you have a bad singing voice), might make the girl a bit.. reluctant? Just add your own spin to things. What girl wants chocolate and flowers all the time? (And going to movies is sooo old).

Tip #6: Don't think so much; If you think too much, it'll show. Just be yourself. YOURSELF!! If you don't know something, be honest. Not all guys know everything. Most girls see through it, and even if they don't your relationship might not last.

Tip #7: Make Her Laugh; All girls like a good joke or two. Just don't make the following jokes: Perverted ones, racist ones, ones about muffins in ovens, and penguins with toasters.

Tip # 8: Pet names are for pets; Don't call her 'Baby', don't call her 'sugarbooger'. We girls have names just like you, and we'd like you to use them thank you very much. Now we might not mind if it were more.. original or meaningful. I mean I wouldn't mind being called 'Love', but 'poppet' sounds kind of... ehh.

Tip #9: Don't flex your muscles; Just... Don't. Especially if they're non-existant. It's just weird.

Tip #10: Talk; Talk about anything. Music, life, what you like- what she likes! Chances are you'll find something you have in common, and that's where the "chemistry" starts. Right?? Remember conversation starters? You've gotta have flow!

Tip # 11: Check out her friends; BUT NOT IN THAT WAY! We mean, of course, talk to them. Girls always talk to their friends about everything (almost). You're going to need their approval if you even think of going anywhere with THE girl. We're completely serious here.

Tip #12: Be a gentleman; Open doors, offer to pay for her meal (or if she hates that, split it), hold her books even if she doesn't want you to, compliment her newest haircut. We notice when you notice. It makes us feel good. Smile! (But don't force yourself to.... that'd be creepy.) Oh yeah, don't eat like you use a hot wing as a napkin. It's incredibly disgusting. And being a gentleman comes in handy if you meet THE parents. Parents love it when their daughter has a boyfriend who's respectful.

Tip #13: Just Tell Her (or ask); If you like her, then just tell her. Tell her and she'll be honest with you. If she rejects you, then just accept it and move on. Unless you really like the girl, then just stay friends and be glad. Maybe one day she'll like you back. And if she doesn't want to talk to you- Take the hint. Don't be clingy! And don't use other girls to make her jealous, it doesn't always work, and it just proves you're a JERK!

So there are our guidelines. We hope that they helped. Look our for future rules or a follow up to this! Leave comment, questions, concerns, we won't ignore them.

Good luck fishing!- Uh not that girls are like fish meant to be caught and eaten..Cause then that's cannibalism children, and is frowned upon in most societies. Yeah...Uh.... BYE

-mourning.glory and Karma Police