I Shouldn't Have Said That

There's a little thing that half of the time pisses me off, and the other half of the time I think it's fairly appropriate. That thing, is, being politically correct. A good number of the time, it is perfectly wonderful. Being offensive to other races, genders, and different kinds of sexuality are acts that should not be swept aside so easily. The part I hate however, is when you by no means mean anything offensive at all, and are fairly oblivious at the moment the words leave your mouth, of what others would perceive of what you're saying, and yet people still take offense to it and refuse to turn the other cheek. That pisses me off.

It's a funny thing, it seems to be fairly relative.

"Hey, are you Chinese?"...(no, I'm Vietnamese dipsh*t...)

"Hey, are you white?"...(well, I'm Canadien...)

"Hey, are you Australian?"...(no, I'm from New Zealand dumbass...)

[in a bout of curiosity/fear,in the nicest, most non-offensive tone musterable] "Hey, what ethnicity are you or your parents, or something...? "Uhhh...what do you think I am?" (the f*ck am I supposed to know b*tch?...)

-{[(Honestly, I'm not sure what term to use sometimes to describe people. White, well, maybe Caucasian is more appropriate. Black, well, maybe African-American is better. Wait, if they're..."black", but aren't American? What the f*ck...I've never heard African-English, or African-French.)]}-

In actuality....that could really happen. The second part I hate about that, is that honestly, I was almost going to put in an example of perhaps blacks or Latinos. Then again, I thought about the kind of backlash I'd receive. Then, now I just realized that because I just said that, I'm going to receive backlash anyway. Oh well, f*ck you political correctness.

Yet, I meant absolutely no harm. I try utmost, as a human being, and as one living in our current time, to not be discriminative to anyone. But really, we all are. It's going to take a long time, probably never (for a more cynical view of things...) to get rid of the stereotypes. The only thing we can do, is to try and move past of our brain's hard wiring, and try to see things in the most logical, realistic, and unbiased manner we could possible get out of the shitty minds we have.

But in no ways do I condone the use of derogatory terms either. If someone uses words like "n*gger", "chink". "dyke", etc., etc., then by all means, f*ck them up.

But this extends beyond racial, sexual orientation, or gender matters. Look what I now have to say because of my statement "by all means, f*ck them up". I now have to say that by no means do I condone the brutal, cruel, unreasonable, and physical harming of any fellow souls. Well hell, I didn't even really mean anything bad in the first place. The statement was not serious in the matter that STD's, or babies being hit by cars would be. I mean, the matter and subject itself are serious, but my stupid statement wasn't.

Funny thing too, is amidst all this being nice to everyone when you're already trying to be nice, is that while people are trying to be so correct about this, there's something else that seems to be everywhere. I, we, live in a time where I can't watch t.v. without seeing someone stripping half-naked about to get horny (not politically correct-enough?...how about, getting ready to make additions to our already large population?) with someone else who's also stripping half-naked and about to get...ready. We live in a time where I probably wouldn't really want to watch a movie within 500 ft. of my mom or she might happen upon me watching a sex scene I never intended to watch in movie I heard was really good, and therefore won a few awards. Now look what I have to go on and say...

first of all...not porn...just...no

secondly...( heaves big sighs....) I do not hold anything against the fact that people (enjoy...some...at least do) copulate. It's a fact of life, and it is becoming more and more acceptable in our society. Well, that's fine, your beliefs are your beliefs, just ummm....well....I'll put this as..delicately as possible....don't do anything "stupid".

You know, being inoffensive is good. Being too sensitive about some comments is bad too sometimes.

I just hate how everything is always "not too much of this, not too much of that".

I'm just a bit tired of things.

That, or a bit crazy, loony, cynical, and just plain bored.

-digital delay

Every Now and Then

Well, thanks to my fellow...minds?...December now has at least 10 posts, something I apparently wished for. Ok, really, I'll try and stop that annoying,aristocratic, tone...

In this order, please, maybe? (in this particular case, the video aspects aren't important...)

This is the new year. Instead of placing 08 on everything, I'll have to remember it's 09 now. As mentioned before, during these times, people make resolutions. They try to improve their lives, towards something they feel will better themselves. Personally New Years has never been a really special time for me. I don't make New Years resolutions. To be honest, I know I won't do them. Again, as stated before by ol' clam chowder down there somewhere, thinking like that isn't very helpful in any way. In fact, perhaps because of thinking like that, I'll never actually do one. But the thing is, I always tell myself these kinds of things. I always say, "Well, you're actually gonna do this", or "You're finally gonna do this...", and etc, blahblahblah. And well, it's not like I ever do anything. Everybody wants to get out of whatever they're in, but how many people are actually willing to do something about it?

Also, karma spoke about how we view ourselves. It's never quite what we want it to be, of course. There's always something that can be better, inside and out. What we want, what we wish for, it's always a dream. Sometimes, every now and then. those dreams are recognized. They are done, but they're never quite satisfied. There's always more to want, more to wish for. People view themselves in different lights all the time, as does society, other people. But there is an absolute? Disregarding the perspectives of people, are there people who deserve what they have, people who don't deserve what they have, people who are assholes that have amazing people in their lives, people are absolutely terrific, but there's nothing around them to show for it, people who deserve more? Thankfully, I'm none of those people, maybe... Or is this entirely in our(my) heads?...

I once read this one little line on his web page, something about the things life taught me. Sadly, i don't quite know what the web page was, or where to find it again. But one of the things was, "...the people important to you never stay long enough, the annoying people are there for too long, and the real pains in the asses are permanent." (or something along those lines...don't quite remember). In a way, anyone can relate to that. True or not, it does feel like the people you care for less are there more often than the ones you do care about. Those important few, are either not there for long enough, or just were never quite close enough.

Well...another thing I found was a picture of a little sign talking about what you would do if you knew you would not fail. As always, not sure on the specifics. But it's a funny thing, what you might do, or think of doing. All those things you've always wanted to do in your life. Also, if no one else was looking, if no one that didn't need to know didn't need to know, if everything was just right, what else would we do? Maybe if we all just started pretending that was all true...

Batman! Begins ----- <<You start to pretend to have fun and you might have a little bit by accident.>>

Another thing I found (......stumbling, obviously....again I don't know where it was), was the picture of a young woman holding up a sign that said, "I know I am unlovable, but I still hope." Now, that phrase can really apply to anything, not only love, but I'm sure a lot of people would like that one, it doesn't even have to be romantic love if you like. But I'm also sure that a lot of people think in such a way. <> And if you keep thinking like that, good (better) chance that it won't. But no matter how much we try to tell ourselves, we always hope. If there was no hope, there wouldn't be much of a point. Ha. if there was no point, why stay? It'd be sad of there was a person who lost all hope. Given up on everything. Given up on themselves. I hope I never come across such an instance in my life. There's pretty much enough hope cooked up for everyone. We may know full well that some things may never happen; and I probably won't do/become a number of things on my life. I know I won't be famous (whew, good thing too, I don't really want to be...), great and talented at anything, won't find their true love (person, place, or thing), won't accomplish much in the scope of others eyes, won't ever be content, or maybe even truly happy. But I'll live. I'm not a sad person, or at least I don't try to be one, or at least don't enjoy the thought of being one. "Life is too short to not be happy" my aunt once said. Hopefully this makes you go and out and do, but maybe some are banking on the fact that life really is short.

Hope is like gravy, it can go with a whole lot of things, but without it, things (like...chicken....)can get real dry........haha...dumb

taken a whole lot of words to say a whole lot of nothing

thanks for the picture....JRI?

-digitaldelay

Too tired (lazy/unimaginative) for a title

Looking back on this little blog…it seems kind of empty. Then I realized that I was the kind of person who liked to dwell on the past. That, and also that I realized I was also the kind of person who had nothing else to do.

My computer recently crashed. I got that “blue screen of doom”, and I figured that that must be akin to a computer instantaneously combusting. I might have just rebooted Windows (XP, mind you) onto it again, and start all over, but a relative advised that I should just get a new computer, which is something that I’m trying to do something about. Maybe one with a, ha, better graphics card, to perhaps attempt to do that thing nerds do on their computers all the time (no, not that, and if you’re not thinking of that, then, just no to whatever). So, I am relegated to .borrowing. my brothers computer (whose keyboard I just hate, I should say dislike, just with a deep, deep passion) every now and then, although no where near enough.

Thus, in my pitifully un-pathetic boredom, I have been relegated to doing things that I would not usually do on any other given day, which is, anything worthwhile. These mindless, despicable tasks including coming up with a random ditty here and there, reading, cleaning (tidying) up, and daydreaming (although I admit, I do that plenty of daydreaming already).

Although the thing I am thinking of the most here is reading. Ah, it is a thing I haven’t done in much consistency since I was a young lad. Yet here I am, having just finished The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde. It is a truly magnificent book if not a slightly demoralizing (hooray for dictionary/thesaurus.com, for those of us who are not entirely familiar with the workings of this horrid thing called English) book. For some reason it slightly scared me in ways. But one of the things it said was that wrongs can sometimes creep up on one’s actual outside features, such as the eyes, the hands, etc. Well, being a perfectly logical person, I went, “ What the jhjieu? My fingers are kinda crooked, just look at my pinky fingers! And great ghost of those not in the grave, my teeth are kind of jagged too…” And so, I just figured I was just a really big asshole, at least more so than usual.

Which ends one of my biggest, say nothings (I ..dislike that phrase), of all time, probably tied right up there with all the other things I’ve ever said/written.

maybe i should come up with a proper title from now on, or not....


-digitaldelay

.

Sometimes, as I sit in the exact spot I am right now, I wonder why I’m here. Yea, I’m up at midnight watching a myriad of videos of Tegan and Sara, but isn’t that kind of an excuse? Is that really a reason? I can do that anytime I feel like, anytime I want to. But really, who ever does what they want when they can? Sometimes, we don’t even know if we know what we want…At midnight, I sit awake, seeing those familiar smiles, hearing those familiar laughs, those familiar jokes, those familiar croons.. Every time I do that, I know that the next day is a weekday (5/7 days at least…), I know I have to wake up to go through another day of ceaseless existence. As I sit here now, eating my mini Werthers Original hard candies, staring at a watch that no longer ticks, I wonder…is that a way to live? Or is it a way to exist? Everyone exists, but who really lives? Will I ever get to live? That’s a question that’s haunted me for a while, and an answer comes no closer. I know that even after midnight, I shouldn’t stare at the ceiling above me in bed listening to who knows what. I’m just trying to prolong the inevitable. Feebly trying to stop what I know is going to come anyway, me. My head is a classic clash between the romanticist and the cynic inside of me. F*ck the whole half full half empty thing, this is more of a…the glass will never be half full. F*ck off. F*ck you. Give up. Vs the glass might be half full someday, you never know? Of course, the cynic always overpowers its contemporary (cynical isn’t it?), which is a sad thought. As I wake up, half groggy from the sleep I didn’t get (or perhaps just that though), I run through the usual routine. Wash up. Teeth. Clothes (it’s a bummer I cant put no clothes). Food. Out. Now. The day runs by, and there(here) I end up, once again, at midnight, right here. Hope. People make it by with hope. Hope is something that should never be crushed down, never be put down, but damnit it happens anyway. When I do see it happening, when I’m insightful enough for once to see it, when I’m not blindly ignorant for once in my life, it pains me. With no hope there is no reason. If you stop being angry, sad, anguished, beaten down, well, you’ve stopped caring. What happens when you’ve stopped caring? It means you’ve given up on everything, on yourself. To me, that’s a scary thought. I fear that in myself, and subsequently in others. While that could be used as in excuse to point out my caring nature, it sounds more to me like there’s not an ounce of selflessness in there (it’s a wonder “we” don’t use the metric system, thanks to the stonecutters?...). Or is that just the cynic in me? Is there that part of me that wants to believe I am selfless; I am this part ideal thing, in my own eyes. It’s something that eludes grasp, eludes an arm that may have never been outstretched. Being self-content is something that sounds so magical and far off. Yet at the same time, it sounds like it’s right in front of me, and I just have to reach out of it. I just have to stop at midnight, and reach right into that screen. I just have to stop staring at that ceiling, and look through it. (cynical?...life:content with-you ignorant b*stard….not content-who isn’t you b*tch?) Maybe the reason I’m writing this in one big paragraph, with no cohesion whatsoever, is because I don’t know how. I have no sense of direction, I have no idea of what I want to do, of what I plan on accomplishing by writing this. Then I realize, that, the answer is nothing. There’s nothing I see that will happen from this. But we can dream right? I don't really plan on editing, this, on checking it. I don't plan to make it perfect, i don't plan on reworking it so it fits together. I dont really see how, why, or what? It coulda shoulda woulda. I’ve been tired for days and days…

-digitaldelay

Hard to Explain

What is general fatigue? Is it being dead tired, being unable to handle things anymore, or is it just not wanting to do anything anymore? Apparently, or supposedly, it’s all of those things. There’s that term malaise, which is a general medical uneasiness, which could be a symptom of illness. Then, there’s the term winder malaise, which is more of a “depressed” and “tired” kind of malaise, often associated with the conditions winter bring.

Fatigue can probably be both mental and physical. The winter malaise could be considered maybe more of a mental fatigue, perhaps. Physical fatigue is probably just being dead tired. Your body is just physically exhausted, and can’t take it anymore.

Mental fatigue is being worked out…mentally, obviously. It can be lethargy, apathy, depression, etc., etc. Your just so tired of everything around you, and you just want to get the **** out of wherever you are. Back to who knows where, you probably don’t even know. You just know you sure want to get out that stupid place, the place that just crawls up your back, and drops a brick right on it. You don’t know where you’d want to go, or what you’d want to do. Even when you sit there for hours, staring at that empty canvas, you can’t imagine a single stroke of lively paint brightening that blank slate. You don’t know where to start, and so you don’t know how you can end.

There are people out there who are just so tired of the situation they’re in. They’ve been patient for so long, and the fruits of their labor have yet to bloom. From counselors, psychiatrists, oncologists, teachers, menial workers, and many others, they all could very well be wishing it (whatever “it” is) to be over with. You don’t even have to be the one suffering, seeing suffering day in and day out is enough already.

Perhaps both mental and physical fatigues are combined. Wouldn’t it make sense to feel bogged down when your legs and arms can’t even move anymore? Or vice-versa, being so worn-out, your legs and arms don’t want to move?

But what am I complaining about, not that I’m really complaining about anything specific. I haven’t done anything special to deserve any pity, or anything else for that matter. There isn’t much wrong with my life is there?...

(canvas… thanks)

(yes, it is spelled malaise, not mayonnaise)

-Digital Delay