Routine.

Are you the type of person who likes routine?
Knowing what you're going to do next and when.
Liking how everything is in order and what's supposed to be.
Not minding boredom.
Mind you, that's so not me.
But I have routine anyway.
Even though I actually do mind boredom.
And I actually dont like knowing what I am going to be doing at that time tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that.
But I do it anyway.
Because my life is routine.
How do I change that, exactly?
I'd want to do something exciting, like climb the world's highest mountain or save a life. Just something amazing, you know?



Have you ever felt alone in a crowded room? (- Jack's Mannequin's Dark Blue) I know how that feels.
At a party, where you're mind's set on something else.
Sitting at lunch where you're not quite acknowledged.
Or in the middle of a dance floor, without a partner to hold.
It's this real emotion. Deep and intense. But not in a good way.

I am just jumping into random puddles of ideas today.
-my.great.ESCAPE.

but it's better if you do

Whoever gave the rule that wisdom and knowledge comes with age is definitely not looking beyond the two (non)colors of black and gray. Often times I believe the young are the most smart, and I believe the old are most stupid- but of course I understand and know that that is not always the case. Teen angst exists for a reason, of course.

Often, I believe that there are two sides to a person. The reasonable, sane side, and the deceptive, fantastic, and slightly insane side. I'm beginning to realize that the two sides come out based upon where you are, what you're doing, and whether or not you're alone. I find that upon being alone, I tend to veer towards the latter side, teetering on the edge of what I'm normally like in the "outside world". It's really odd, in many ways and I think there's a scientific way of explaining it- but I like to believe that in those hours of being along I go a little insane, and a little more smart in more ways than just Algebra. I like to believe that the world could be at my hand if I wanted, and that all it would really take is a push.

But then, of course, I eventually am brought back to reality, and the feeling- that high, beautiful, oftenly unique feeling of infinity- is taken away and missed. I begin to remember the work I have to do and that I can't possibly stay in the tub any longer for it's past midnight already. All that comes to play and the sadness of it tends to overwhelm sweetly for a little while. It's amazing, though, while it lasts... I wonder if anyone else feels it.

Influence, I believe, is a key to the latter more morbid side of the human brain. I think if you watch a lot of movies and read a lot of stories where a villain is brought to glorification and heroin is your best friend, you tend to believe it. When casual sex is seen to be an everyday escape to momentary love...? I think it's the human mind's way of tempting you- since we all know temptation is everywhere, don't we? When you're the villain long enough, you begin to see yourself as the hero, right? Or is this all too insane? Ha ha ha.

Usually when I get into these odd doses of odd moods, it's in odd parts of the day, like midnight or when I wake up alone in my house. It's like I feel like living within myself and I relish it. I start to think I can get away with things... like cooking breakfast! Ha haha. Or maybe listening to music and singing at the top of my lungs.. or other things. It's just the weirdest, more beautiful sensation ever, and I wonder if it's sadness or happiness or maybe bittersweet both. It's confusion with a K. Karma Police style.

Carma Polise

House of Mirrors

Isolation can manifest in two ways it seems. I guess the way most people would put it would be just being alone. This is simply not having interactions with other people. It seems most people would take such actions in a negative light. Why would someone rather be alone? A bit odd don’t you think? Apparently not at all. Extroverts, introverts right? Social, anti-social, likeable, unlikable. But really, when did such a preposterous hypothesis come about? All that just fits into the general mainstream in what people should be doing. Whatever happened to not everyone’s the same? In a way it’s hypocritical. In a way it all comes down to understanding. That’s hard enough, people don’t have the time to bother with that now do they? Introverts and extroverts are terms that can be often misunderstood or misinterpreted. Can being alone occasionally not be healthy? It can be a chance to calm down, or try to understand yourself. I’m sure people all know that already. Maybe it’s the frequency or tendency of some people to wish to be alone that is misunderstood. Maybe some people enjoy being with others very much, and dislike being alone often. But someone completely different could very much like to be with others as well, maybe just on different terms or less often.

The other form of isolation could be extreme solitary confinement. This is when you’re really alone. Mostly this treatment is confined to prisoners and P.OW.s, but experiments have been carried out. Some were deemed to cruel, and in a way they were. When deprived of senses, you can go quite mad. Feelings of claustrophobia and madness creep up on you. Imagine being stuck in a room in the dark, not hearing anything, not seeing anything, not interacting with anyone, how long could you last, or at very least, keep you mind?