Saturday, January 31, 2009

January's Theme: Another View

We’re already one month into 2009. 2010 is “only” 11 months away…

Fortunately, we all have lives, and that is why the blog has been lonelier than it was a year ago *hintanniversarycominguphint*. But miraculously, we still made the ten-article mark. The only month we didn’t reach at least two digits was September, but that’s okay. We’ll just make sure it’s above that, at least :).

Here we go:

Every Now and Then – Ways in which we view ourselves.
Yea…and?.... – What ‘glorification’ is.
Give Me A[nother] Break – Our consequences are our own faults.
Perspective. – Ever thought how someone else sees the world?
“Sometimes I wonder how…” – Your feelings aren’t the only feelings.
but it’s better if you do – Being bipolar isn’t half bad.
You’re the Former, Now. – How important is the U.S. Presidential Inauguration?
A Few Letters…3 To Be Exact – A collection of self-written and self-sent letters.
You’re a Fox – Genes determine our look…and some other things too.
What to Believe? – Religion is an ever-debatable subject.

Congratulations if you’ve carried out your New Year’s resolution (if you had one). If you failed…well, I told you so.

Here comes February: Heartful Desire.

-the clam.

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Thursday, January 29, 2009

What to Believe?

What has more different opinions, beliefs, and views than religion?
Sure, everyone around the world knows religion. Or, at least, they know what it is. Some people know exactly what they believe in, and others don't...which is perfectly okay (at least, for me, it is).

The other day, I accidentally spoke my thoughts out loud: "What is so important about religion anyway? It's just a belief, isnt it?"

And a couple of people that were there freaked out on me: "What!?" ... "How could you say that!?" ... "Don't you wonder what your life's purpose on Earth is?" ...

Sure I do. You're here to live, to experience, to help others. is what I thought.

"You mean you dont think we were put here to learn more and more about who created us?"

I dont know.

"Okay, well how do you think that we arrived on Earth? Did there just POOF appear a world and POOF people?"

Well, I think that a longgg time ago, there was nothing (but nothing is actually a 'something'?) and I think that yes, all of a sudden everything -space, planets, worlds, universes, people, etc- appeared out of nowhere. But what is nowhere, a black nothing, or is it white, or clear, even?

"No. GOD put us here."

Oh man. If God put us here, then where did He come from? What/who brought Him?

"He just appeared. POOF." ... "Well do you believe in evolution?"

Sure, I guess. Like, technolgy and stuff? It improves and advances over time...

"But in theory, when you leave something for a long time, like if you leave anything out for a while, it is supposed to rot away slowly, right?"

Yeah. . .

"Well then how come humans are different? How come, instead of rotting away slowly, we are evolving?"

I don't know, that's just how it works!!! Stop asking me so many questions.

So you know how that question, about what happens after you die, always pops up? Well, there it is. "What do you think happens after you die? Like, would you go to heaven or earth, or get reincarnated, or what?"

Well, I don't know...That's just the thing! Nobody knows, and nobody alive will ever find out. Once you're dead, you'll know, and it won't matter anymore. So it's not that important.

"Not important!?!?" ... "Ohmygosh! How can you say that!?" ... "Well what do you think happens then?" ...

Well, I guess, that after you have lived your life, you go to heaven or hell, depending on how you lived your life, and then after you've spent a while in heaven or hell, you get reincarnated again to live another life. Then the cycle repeats. Well, it made sense to me, at the time.

"Ohmygawd." ... "You have like, mixed beliefs!" ... "I've never heard this before..." ... "Well when you said that you get reincarnated, do you think you come back to this world, as a human, or this world as another creature, or in a whole other universe or world?"

I dont know. Wherever, I guess.

"*Gasp* She doesn't know!" ... "Whats that supposed to mean??" ... "Makes no sense." ... "Do you think you have a spirit?"

Stop with all the questions already! I dont know! What do you mean by 'a spirit'?

"Do you think that we have a soul, or a spirit, inside of us, that controls every movement we make and every thought we have? And that it is just using us sort of like a puppet? And when we get old and die off, it's just our 'body' that's dying, and not our soul? Or do you think that our blood and tissues and muscles and organs control us?"

What the crap!? No, I think we are just simply controlling ourselves.
Besides, you are believing in theories about what happened, what is happening, what is going to happen. I will believe them when I actually see facts; when there are solid facts on what happened, what is happening, what is going to happen, then I will believe it.

For a lot of people, religion has become a big part of their life. And I am not saying that is a bad thing, it's great really, to know what you believe in. But it's also not a bad thing to be indecisive about things like this. Well, that's just my view on this ample subject...

Perhaps this is why some people prefer to be anonymous.

Off to reality,

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Sunday, January 25, 2009

You're A Fox

Disclaimer: I don't know shit about any of this.

Genes determine a lot of things. Traits, characteristics, these things can be more important than just good looks and good brain. If you're into the kind of thing, adaptation.

Haven't you ever wondered someone is good looking? Well, what do you think you think, well some of us at least, when you see one of them you think is well, attractive? "Damn, I'd do them, now."

Well, if you humans are supposed to reproduce, then why would we do it with the attractive people? What defines attractiveness anyway?

Well, supposedly general attractiveness is defined by how symmetrical one's face is. Basically, "Well, one side of their face looks like the other side, so, they're a fox." Of course, I'm sure people have their own preferences based on culture and other things, but it's generally a symmetrical face.

And, what determines a symmetrical face? Why, good genes! Holy sh*t, what an epiphany. Basically, we like to f*ck people with good genes. This, sadly, leaves out the rest of us with not so perfect genes. Well, wait a minute, that's not really fair? Haha, well, we're left out because we don't we have great genes. We don 't want our posterity to have bad genes right? I guess that's evolution for you?

So people with good genes get sex so whatever pops out of their vaginas also has good genes, and so on and so on, allowing the human race, or any other race for that manner, to keep good genes in, and bad genes out, letting us do whatever we do with good genes, adapt, evolve?

As I like to say, it's my sacred duty to omit my genes from the gene pool. (no offense to my parents)


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Thursday, January 22, 2009

A Few Letters...3 To Be Exact

My head is pretty messed up these days. Not in a euphoric way, or a maddened way (maybe), or in a depressed way, just kind of wacko. Sometimes I think if pretty weird crap, as I'm sure a large part of the general populace does. I do remember Russell Peters once said that the mind of a comedian is weird...because it always tries to one up itself by thinking of something crazier or something. By no means am I comedian, or an entertainer. I'm in no way entertaining, in any way, manner, or form. I'm not even funny, in that really dumbsh*t slapstick manner, or that more clever manner. But, forget that for a second, I mean for a really long time.

Anyway, I once thought of this thing..where I could send myself notes, or letters of some sort back through time. Well, I always envisioned myself sending a series of three letters. Here are the basic premises of each one.


Dear Me,

F*ck You

Cheers, Yourself


I'm just kidding kid. You're great. Not really. But you're alright. Not bad. You're fine. Don't worry about crap. You'll get through it. Things will be ok. Oh, and don't ask her out. Don't. Ask her out instead. The test is easy. You'll get creamed in that tennis match. Don't worry, you'll get them back. She hates you. So does he. They do in general. Cash in that lotto ticket. You don't suck small balls. I don't know if you're rich or if you have a spouse (I'm not that old yet). By now I basically f*cked up the future, which I'm (you're) probably like a cow's udders by now or something.



No, seriously,

F*ck You,

Go Die (it's not like you're not going to anyway).



I know, I know, I know (I Know x3), that's pretty dumb.

I also thought about what would happen if I personally went back in time. It's basically the same thing, but physical...

I'd beat myself up.

Then I'd have a talk with myself while I'm sprawled in the floor in pain.

Then I'd beat myself up again, maybe with a stick or something for fun.

Well there you go. That's it for now on the surreal, batsh*t crazy mind of digital delay.

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Tuesday, January 20, 2009

You're the Former, Now.

[image: thanks to]

Man, the plague struck me next. Err, the blue-screen-of-death plague (it was more of a freeze-you-lose kind of a screen). DD got hit first, and then m.g.E....ain’t cool. Although I have to honestly say that I contributed to the downloading of freeware, and that’s how I contracted the virtumonde-wanna-confuse-you-with-long-virus-names-disease—AHH don’t point that flashlight at me. Hey, a darn lot of people do that nowadays. Why else would the economy be so bad? We’re not even giving proper credit and respect to the people who make our conveniences possible [/hypocrite].

So, I’m sitting here at a temporary laptop, typing on a very annoying keyboard, straining my eyes at the horrible screen positions, and having my left hand burn at the hot air blasting out from the side of the computer. Have I learned my lesson? *nod* Has everyone else learned their lesson? *probably not*

Were you able to see the U.S. Presidential Inauguration (live)? I’m highly guessing not. I don’t know about you, but I think this day is pretty important. But instead, people have to go to work, sit at their dusty desks, mind their business, and students have to be sleeping in class, taking finals tests and such. “Hmm…6t^3 + t^2 + 7t + 10 divided by 3t – 2 is…uhh…hey, whaddya’ know…Obama’s takin’ his oath right about now…err, 2t^2…”

But nooo, we rightful citizens of the United States of America have to go right along with our lives and then watch some crappy re-airing of the ceremony (probably on YouTube…*hinthint*). Oh, yeah, that’s perfectly fine—we’re letting a man run our country without properly seeing him giving his oath. [NOTE: I’m NOT anti-Obama. He’s a great man for the future of the USA.].

It’s so funny how quick their titles change once the next president gives his oath. “…preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States. So help me god.” - “WOOH! Alright, former President, let me escort you to the helicopter that’s gonna bring you all the way back home…” So harsh, so harsh…but that’s how it goes. Must feel awkward to be President one second, and a long-gone President another second—literally.

Okay, fine. I’ve had my fair share of blurting for today. *zips up clamshell*

-the clam.

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Monday, January 19, 2009

but it's better if you do

Whoever gave the rule that wisdom and knowledge comes with age is definitely not looking beyond the two (non)colors of black and gray. Often times I believe the young are the most smart, and I believe the old are most stupid- but of course I understand and know that that is not always the case. Teen angst exists for a reason, of course.

Often, I believe that there are two sides to a person. The reasonable, sane side, and the deceptive, fantastic, and slightly insane side. I'm beginning to realize that the two sides come out based upon where you are, what you're doing, and whether or not you're alone. I find that upon being alone, I tend to veer towards the latter side, teetering on the edge of what I'm normally like in the "outside world". It's really odd, in many ways and I think there's a scientific way of explaining it- but I like to believe that in those hours of being along I go a little insane, and a little more smart in more ways than just Algebra. I like to believe that the world could be at my hand if I wanted, and that all it would really take is a push.

But then, of course, I eventually am brought back to reality, and the feeling- that high, beautiful, oftenly unique feeling of infinity- is taken away and missed. I begin to remember the work I have to do and that I can't possibly stay in the tub any longer for it's past midnight already. All that comes to play and the sadness of it tends to overwhelm sweetly for a little while. It's amazing, though, while it lasts... I wonder if anyone else feels it.

Influence, I believe, is a key to the latter more morbid side of the human brain. I think if you watch a lot of movies and read a lot of stories where a villain is brought to glorification and heroin is your best friend, you tend to believe it. When casual sex is seen to be an everyday escape to momentary love...? I think it's the human mind's way of tempting you- since we all know temptation is everywhere, don't we? When you're the villain long enough, you begin to see yourself as the hero, right? Or is this all too insane? Ha ha ha.

Usually when I get into these odd doses of odd moods, it's in odd parts of the day, like midnight or when I wake up alone in my house. It's like I feel like living within myself and I relish it. I start to think I can get away with things... like cooking breakfast! Ha haha. Or maybe listening to music and singing at the top of my lungs.. or other things. It's just the weirdest, more beautiful sensation ever, and I wonder if it's sadness or happiness or maybe bittersweet both. It's confusion with a K. Karma Police style.

Carma Polise

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Saturday, January 17, 2009

Sometimes I wonder how I feel, not that I actually know what I feel, compared to other people. I wonder how I feel at certain times, certain situations, and certain feelings compared to how other people feel them. I know it's a dumb thing to do, looking at others to set a standard for yourself. It shouldn't really matter a whole lot how you feel compared to others, but I can't help myself. Any who, I guess I would never truly know how someone would feel about something, and there's really no point in wondering. But if I tell myself, "Well, I'm not exactly really spiffy right now...", how would I ever know if I'm actually sad at all? I'm absolutely sure no matter how sad I ever get, at any one moment, there will be someone a lot worse off, maybe even in a similar situation. It's probably the same for me being happy too. I probably won't ever go into the extreme ends of either one, I'll always hover somewhere in the middle, which is probably a terrible idea itself.

But sometimes I see people that really seem anguished. They really seem happy. They really seem like they're going through something, and I feel like I would never be able to match those emotional highs and lows. It makes me think what I'm going through, if I'm going through anything at all. Of course...I'll never know...

I'm not sure I ever want to know to be honest. Sometimes, the truth really does hurt. Sometimes, it's easier to just lie to yourself, easier, but not exactly "better".

If you went through your whole life, thinking of all the wouldas, couldas, shouldas, the has beens, you'd go crazy, but if you never cared about, if you forgot about, them at all, you'd be ignorant and shallow.

Then I realized well, I'm not really going through anything at all now am I? Other people actually have problems, me, my problem is not having a problem to blame anything on. I will always be "ok", and quite frankly, I'm ok with that. It's a fairly bad way to think that you'll always be just ok, but either I've gotten used to the fact or I'm just not willing to do anything about it. Maybe it's both.

One day, as I prepared to take my usual late-night shower, I came across an apiphany of some random kind. Turns out I did have a problem, me. It wasn't the worlds fault, or just some happening, or I'm just unlucky, or not fortunate. I have no right to blame everything else in the world, but I will anyway, I wouldn't be able o live if I blamed absolutely everything on myself. I realized that I was my own prison. I am those cold, bars, that damp, rotten stench, that dark, erry feeling, the seclusion, that broken key. I hold myself in, and by jove (whatever that means...) I ain't letting myself out.

Maybe, though, someday, I'll get out. Maybe someday I'll realize that there was never a prison. Maybe I'll realize that all this was just another one of the many excuses I've made in my life. Maybe that day is today.

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Friday, January 16, 2009


I have this friend who gives the best advice. He always seems to know exactly what he's talking about, and I absolutely love that quality about him (I'd want to be the person that people came to talk to, too, you know?). The thing is, I talk to him (like really talk) whenever I need someone to provide me a whole other view on a situation. That's always good, right?

The universe.
Is big.
We have different theories about it, as you may know.

Some people think that the earth is the center of the universe. Others think that there is another universe out there just like ours. There are lots of different opinions.
I heard this one crazy view, though. This man's point of view made me think. He believed that the entire world/universe revolved around him, that everything/everyone was not really real, and that it was all his imagination and everyday passed as he imagined it to be. I dont know if that made sense or not, but it made me think, what if that's true, only the world revolved around me? and I didn't know it?

There was this other perspective that drew my attention. Some person actually believed that this was a make believe world...and that in a real world, some little girl/child is actually playing with us, like dolls in a dollhouse, moving us around, etc...Is that entirely crazy or pretty smart? Gee, I don't know...

I'm feeling very deep today.
okay, not really.

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Give Me A[nother] Break

[credit is given on image]

The world must be ending. Who knew gas prices would prance another day in $1 land?

Who knew the stock market liked to play snakes and ladders?

Who knew the people who gave us education would be laid off by the thousands?

And, who knew there were three weeks in a winter break? At least, that’s the case in California. Trust me, if the government is willing to add another week to students’ holiday vacations (we all know they just want to torture us), it means the sky is falling...well, maybe Arnold’s sky.

In fact, three-week winter vacation has already been in effect. In just this past holiday, the Los Angeles Unified School District had their schools award their students with another week of caroling and partying. But you know what’s even worse? They’ve recently reached an agreement to lay off thousands of teachers in the district. You’ve gotta feel some sympathy for the folks. No profession works harder to give us all an education—and no profession are paid less for what they are obliged to do. If you think of their situation, it gets even miserable. Just think about it—if a teacher is laid off in a district, do you think they could get another job in the same district? The district had just laid off a bunch of you think they would hire the same person they just laid off? Yes. That means the teacher has to find a job in a more faraway county (NOT country...if that day comes, we might as well eat dirt), and if it comes to the worse, they would have to move to another place just to work in another district.

"We are the creators of our own destruction."

–(Sorry, sounds familiar, but I don’t know who to credit)

Yes, yes we are. Ancient Rome killed itself, one way or another, because of their ignorance. Humankind is trashing the Earth even as I speak, even though we know we’re goners if we don’t protect it. We’re still spending our money on wars and foreign oil, investors are still investing in all the wrong stuff, and banks are as chaotic as Katy Perry’s songs.

Life is filled with way too much irony.

-the clam.

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Saturday, January 10, 2009


Glorification...funny word. Glory can be thought of in both a negative and positive connotation. Glory can come after a victory, a triumph, kind of like when you finally ask that person out. But glory apparently can also mean pride, arrogance, being not-so-modest, kind of like when hat person finally dumps you. Either way, we do it. We glorify things. We glorify people. We glorify ideals.

Why do we glorify things? What the hell does glorifying even mean? If i was actually trying to prove a point, starting a paragraph with a rhetorical (kind of) question is bad, but screw (f*ck) it. -to cause to be or to treat as being more.............something along the lines of making something seem a lot better than other stuff. So why do we do it again? If you sit there and think about it for a few'll find an answer that will suit your own character.

If you're reading probably didn't stop to think about it. If you did, and are still reading, you didn't think about it much, or are just curious.

For the brief time span (maybe...a minute or two of actual thought?) that I've thought of this, i just figured something pretty simple, and easy, and I just thought I said this before. I think. We feel that these..objects...are the prime epitome of whatever that thing that they do is.

For example...why do you like those musicians so much? -Cuz they're like...geniuses. All those parts just coming together...those..emotions that are bit less worked's just like..crazy stuff....

...why do you like that person so much? -Cuz they're go-geous, and funny, and sweet, and quirky...

...why do you think that way? -Cuz it makes sense...cuz like..nothing else really does ya know?...

...why did I just write all that? -I really have no idea...I regret it...just not enough to take the time to delete it.

We don't really know why we do it. Sometimes we are actually conscious of it. But even if we know that that noun has flaws, clear, discernible flaws, we will try to cover up. We'll even acknowledge that, and try to explain that in a logical way. Basically, we come up with an excuse to say, "Well, yea all that crap is true, but it's still really amazing."

Those things, are what we want in our lives. What we see in those things, we want. We want to have it, we want to be like it, we want to be with it. The characters of these things are the characteristics that make ourselves insecure about...ourselves. We want to be...perfect. If that's not the right word, we all have things in our lives we want to consider "ideal".

How can we not help ourselves? We are human beings. We are flawed. I for sure know I do it. I acknowledge it. But I definitely can try to think of ways to........of excuses. But imagine how hard things would be, if we took everything plainly, just as it is. We wouldn't be able to take it. We have to deal with the things in our lives, significant or not, in one way or another. Excuses are just one way...

thanks to karma! the person

the ideal is a ***************** (in a lot of cases)


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Sunday, January 4, 2009

Every Now and Then

Well, thanks to my fellow...minds?...December now has at least 10 posts, something I apparently wished for. Ok, really, I'll try and stop that annoying,aristocratic, tone...

In this order, please, maybe? (in this particular case, the video aspects aren't important...)

This is the new year. Instead of placing 08 on everything, I'll have to remember it's 09 now. As mentioned before, during these times, people make resolutions. They try to improve their lives, towards something they feel will better themselves. Personally New Years has never been a really special time for me. I don't make New Years resolutions. To be honest, I know I won't do them. Again, as stated before by ol' clam chowder down there somewhere, thinking like that isn't very helpful in any way. In fact, perhaps because of thinking like that, I'll never actually do one. But the thing is, I always tell myself these kinds of things. I always say, "Well, you're actually gonna do this", or "You're finally gonna do this...", and etc, blahblahblah. And well, it's not like I ever do anything. Everybody wants to get out of whatever they're in, but how many people are actually willing to do something about it?

Also, karma spoke about how we view ourselves. It's never quite what we want it to be, of course. There's always something that can be better, inside and out. What we want, what we wish for, it's always a dream. Sometimes, every now and then. those dreams are recognized. They are done, but they're never quite satisfied. There's always more to want, more to wish for. People view themselves in different lights all the time, as does society, other people. But there is an absolute? Disregarding the perspectives of people, are there people who deserve what they have, people who don't deserve what they have, people who are assholes that have amazing people in their lives, people are absolutely terrific, but there's nothing around them to show for it, people who deserve more? Thankfully, I'm none of those people, maybe... Or is this entirely in our(my) heads?...

I once read this one little line on his web page, something about the things life taught me. Sadly, i don't quite know what the web page was, or where to find it again. But one of the things was, "...the people important to you never stay long enough, the annoying people are there for too long, and the real pains in the asses are permanent." (or something along those lines...don't quite remember). In a way, anyone can relate to that. True or not, it does feel like the people you care for less are there more often than the ones you do care about. Those important few, are either not there for long enough, or just were never quite close enough.

Well...another thing I found was a picture of a little sign talking about what you would do if you knew you would not fail. As always, not sure on the specifics. But it's a funny thing, what you might do, or think of doing. All those things you've always wanted to do in your life. Also, if no one else was looking, if no one that didn't need to know didn't need to know, if everything was just right, what else would we do? Maybe if we all just started pretending that was all true...

Batman! Begins ----- <<You start to pretend to have fun and you might have a little bit by accident.>>

Another thing I found (......stumbling, obviously....again I don't know where it was), was the picture of a young woman holding up a sign that said, "I know I am unlovable, but I still hope." Now, that phrase can really apply to anything, not only love, but I'm sure a lot of people would like that one, it doesn't even have to be romantic love if you like. But I'm also sure that a lot of people think in such a way. <> And if you keep thinking like that, good (better) chance that it won't. But no matter how much we try to tell ourselves, we always hope. If there was no hope, there wouldn't be much of a point. Ha. if there was no point, why stay? It'd be sad of there was a person who lost all hope. Given up on everything. Given up on themselves. I hope I never come across such an instance in my life. There's pretty much enough hope cooked up for everyone. We may know full well that some things may never happen; and I probably won't do/become a number of things on my life. I know I won't be famous (whew, good thing too, I don't really want to be...), great and talented at anything, won't find their true love (person, place, or thing), won't accomplish much in the scope of others eyes, won't ever be content, or maybe even truly happy. But I'll live. I'm not a sad person, or at least I don't try to be one, or at least don't enjoy the thought of being one. "Life is too short to not be happy" my aunt once said. Hopefully this makes you go and out and do, but maybe some are banking on the fact that life really is short.

Hope is like gravy, it can go with a whole lot of things, but without it, things (like...chicken....)can get real dry........haha...dumb

taken a whole lot of words to say a whole lot of nothing

thanks for the picture....JRI?


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