Sometimes I wonder how I feel, not that I actually know what I feel, compared to other people. I wonder how I feel at certain times, certain situations, and certain feelings compared to how other people feel them. I know it's a dumb thing to do, looking at others to set a standard for yourself. It shouldn't really matter a whole lot how you feel compared to others, but I can't help myself. Any who, I guess I would never truly know how someone would feel about something, and there's really no point in wondering. But if I tell myself, "Well, I'm not exactly really spiffy right now...", how would I ever know if I'm actually sad at all? I'm absolutely sure no matter how sad I ever get, at any one moment, there will be someone a lot worse off, maybe even in a similar situation. It's probably the same for me being happy too. I probably won't ever go into the extreme ends of either one, I'll always hover somewhere in the middle, which is probably a terrible idea itself.

But sometimes I see people that really seem anguished. They really seem happy. They really seem like they're going through something, and I feel like I would never be able to match those emotional highs and lows. It makes me think what I'm going through, if I'm going through anything at all. Of course...I'll never know...

I'm not sure I ever want to know to be honest. Sometimes, the truth really does hurt. Sometimes, it's easier to just lie to yourself, easier, but not exactly "better".

If you went through your whole life, thinking of all the wouldas, couldas, shouldas, the has beens, you'd go crazy, but if you never cared about, if you forgot about, them at all, you'd be ignorant and shallow.

Then I realized well, I'm not really going through anything at all now am I? Other people actually have problems, me, my problem is not having a problem to blame anything on. I will always be "ok", and quite frankly, I'm ok with that. It's a fairly bad way to think that you'll always be just ok, but either I've gotten used to the fact or I'm just not willing to do anything about it. Maybe it's both.

One day, as I prepared to take my usual late-night shower, I came across an apiphany of some random kind. Turns out I did have a problem, me. It wasn't the worlds fault, or just some happening, or I'm just unlucky, or not fortunate. I have no right to blame everything else in the world, but I will anyway, I wouldn't be able o live if I blamed absolutely everything on myself. I realized that I was my own prison. I am those cold, bars, that damp, rotten stench, that dark, erry feeling, the seclusion, that broken key. I hold myself in, and by jove (whatever that means...) I ain't letting myself out.

Maybe, though, someday, I'll get out. Maybe someday I'll realize that there was never a prison. Maybe I'll realize that all this was just another one of the many excuses I've made in my life. Maybe that day is today.

Every Now and Then

Well, thanks to my fellow...minds?...December now has at least 10 posts, something I apparently wished for. Ok, really, I'll try and stop that annoying,aristocratic, tone...

In this order, please, maybe? (in this particular case, the video aspects aren't important...)

This is the new year. Instead of placing 08 on everything, I'll have to remember it's 09 now. As mentioned before, during these times, people make resolutions. They try to improve their lives, towards something they feel will better themselves. Personally New Years has never been a really special time for me. I don't make New Years resolutions. To be honest, I know I won't do them. Again, as stated before by ol' clam chowder down there somewhere, thinking like that isn't very helpful in any way. In fact, perhaps because of thinking like that, I'll never actually do one. But the thing is, I always tell myself these kinds of things. I always say, "Well, you're actually gonna do this", or "You're finally gonna do this...", and etc, blahblahblah. And well, it's not like I ever do anything. Everybody wants to get out of whatever they're in, but how many people are actually willing to do something about it?

Also, karma spoke about how we view ourselves. It's never quite what we want it to be, of course. There's always something that can be better, inside and out. What we want, what we wish for, it's always a dream. Sometimes, every now and then. those dreams are recognized. They are done, but they're never quite satisfied. There's always more to want, more to wish for. People view themselves in different lights all the time, as does society, other people. But there is an absolute? Disregarding the perspectives of people, are there people who deserve what they have, people who don't deserve what they have, people who are assholes that have amazing people in their lives, people are absolutely terrific, but there's nothing around them to show for it, people who deserve more? Thankfully, I'm none of those people, maybe... Or is this entirely in our(my) heads?...

I once read this one little line on his web page, something about the things life taught me. Sadly, i don't quite know what the web page was, or where to find it again. But one of the things was, "...the people important to you never stay long enough, the annoying people are there for too long, and the real pains in the asses are permanent." (or something along those lines...don't quite remember). In a way, anyone can relate to that. True or not, it does feel like the people you care for less are there more often than the ones you do care about. Those important few, are either not there for long enough, or just were never quite close enough.

Well...another thing I found was a picture of a little sign talking about what you would do if you knew you would not fail. As always, not sure on the specifics. But it's a funny thing, what you might do, or think of doing. All those things you've always wanted to do in your life. Also, if no one else was looking, if no one that didn't need to know didn't need to know, if everything was just right, what else would we do? Maybe if we all just started pretending that was all true...

Batman! Begins ----- <<You start to pretend to have fun and you might have a little bit by accident.>>

Another thing I found (......stumbling, obviously....again I don't know where it was), was the picture of a young woman holding up a sign that said, "I know I am unlovable, but I still hope." Now, that phrase can really apply to anything, not only love, but I'm sure a lot of people would like that one, it doesn't even have to be romantic love if you like. But I'm also sure that a lot of people think in such a way. <> And if you keep thinking like that, good (better) chance that it won't. But no matter how much we try to tell ourselves, we always hope. If there was no hope, there wouldn't be much of a point. Ha. if there was no point, why stay? It'd be sad of there was a person who lost all hope. Given up on everything. Given up on themselves. I hope I never come across such an instance in my life. There's pretty much enough hope cooked up for everyone. We may know full well that some things may never happen; and I probably won't do/become a number of things on my life. I know I won't be famous (whew, good thing too, I don't really want to be...), great and talented at anything, won't find their true love (person, place, or thing), won't accomplish much in the scope of others eyes, won't ever be content, or maybe even truly happy. But I'll live. I'm not a sad person, or at least I don't try to be one, or at least don't enjoy the thought of being one. "Life is too short to not be happy" my aunt once said. Hopefully this makes you go and out and do, but maybe some are banking on the fact that life really is short.

Hope is like gravy, it can go with a whole lot of things, but without it, things (like...chicken....)can get real dry........haha...dumb

taken a whole lot of words to say a whole lot of nothing

thanks for the picture....JRI?

-digitaldelay

Glass Against My Face

Are simple things really better? People say that the best things are things that say what they mean using the fewest amount of words, or images, or etc. The things that are the easiest to take in, the easiest to understand, have the most meaning and resolve in them: but is this really true? Can something so simple, so easy to make, mean more?

Or do the complex things give off more. They are the things the connoisseurs can enjoy and applaud. The things with every ounce of detail and intricacy you could care for, even with little parts that most people wouldn’t care about, or won’t even catch. Are these things, the ones that take you a second to take in and to develop your feelings on, better?

Is the complex music video better than the strikingly simple one? Is the song with fewer parts in it better than the one with sparse parts? Is that magnificent piece of art better than a hugely plain, but beautiful, one?

There’s the whole DIY argument, the whole indie, lo-fi thing. They hate overproduction in music, hate having things be done for them that are too complicated. If you can do it yourself, why not?

At the end of the day though, does it really matter? As long as the end product works out, is it ok? Does the ends justify the means? As long as what you get from it is great…who cares…

--

Do the things you do reflect who you are? The music you listen to, the way you play tennis, the guitar you want, the way you act, the way you speak, does it really say something about who you are? I don’t mean the simple things; like that person doesn’t talk much or anything like that. Can they really mean something a little deeper than something on the surface? Can they give an insight into who, or what, someone truly is?

Is it true that, if you never explain your problems, then people will never see them? People can’t guess something, and if they do, they might not be entirely sure about it, especially if it has anything to do with something that’s important to them. Either that, or they’re just arrogant and brash.

--

Are you really that different from other people? It seems like people always say that their job just sucks, or they’re life isn’t exactly going the way they want. Is it true that that’s probably going on for a lot of people? I mean in no way to say that one person’s problems are bigger than someone else’s, or someone’s is useless. Everyone’s problems are important to one person, that person is the most important person regarding that problem, and it’s themselves. People like talking about themselves, they like to talk about the things that are important to them.

Whenever things aren’t exactly going my way, I always have this little period of time, where I just start to reflect on my life. I just kind of lie down, or relax, and think away. They’re usually not exactly great thoughts either, nothing that will bring joy definitely. But I always try to tell myself that everyone has to go through stuff, stuff twice as worst as my stupid obstacles. I try to tell myself to just walk it off, after an hour or too back in the real world, I’ll be fine. But it’ll come up again anyway…

should i stop?

or have i never started?

Pardon Me

Pride can do a lot of things. Whether it’s good or bad, it’s definitely there. It’s that invisible, constant force that draws people to do things. It’s sort of like gravity. It’s the thing that makes you say no thank you to charity, the thing that makes you refuse the obvious, and the thing that just kills you when you lose.

Is pride being chivalrous, or being cocky and brash? Most likely, it’s the latter. While it’s ok just to say no thank you for something, some could consider that a deed of politeness. More often, pride can be described as being a sore-loser, ungrateful, and arrogant.

Do you always submit to authority, feel absolutely dandy when you lose, and feel terrible when you’ve just had a great accomplishment? It’s not always good to always be subjected and controlled by others, or is it not always good to be too boastful. Pride causes these things, and it can cause more. Pride can be related to greed, envy, and probably several other terrible things that plague people.

Getting away from all that; sports can be a magical thing. When you’re really getting into the game, if its soccer, basketball, baseball, or anything else, you don’t think about anything else. All you think about is winning, how you’re going to do it, and actually getting it done. It doesn’t matter who you’re playing with, sports can bond teammates together, regardless of who (most of the time, at least). Most exceptions come from people who don’t really care about the game, are just jerks, or just sit around (not caring).

There are a lot of different kinds of songs.
There are happy, sad, catchy, poppy, sparse, heavy, dense, depressing, just weird, and…(there are a million different usable words that would fit there).
But one kind always really reaches out to me. It’s that sad song that’s not depressing, not heavy, not dense, nothing that just jumps out at you. It’s that sad song that makes you happy, just because it’s so…beautiful. I’m not talking about that sad song that’s just melancholic, or that angry song you listen to when you’re pissed off, or anything. Haha, that’s weird, but it’s true. Of course, for everybody, each song will invoke different emotions.

Just to forcefully shove my personal tastes down your throats (sorry if these are old), examples are: My Number, Hallelujah, Let Down, Haunt You Everyday, and plenty more.

Don’t you just love playful, joyful, hilarious banter (ok, anything that’s funny)?

April 1!

-digital.delay.

Burn Your Life Down

What to do… what to do…

Too often, it seems like I don’t know what to do. I could easily make a list of one hundred different things I could be doing. Yet here I am, imagining that I’m talking to someone who cares, when I’m really talking to myself, who doesn’t really care.

Apparently, no obviously, I have no direction in my life at the moment, not even as far as a few days, hours, and maybe minutes. It’s a sad thought, when life is all hazy. You don’t know what to do when you’re you just feel trapped and intoxicated. The world seems to whiz right by you. Ha, sounds a lot like I’m high doesn’t it?

Those are the times you waste, the times you burn your life down. The times when you could get off your sorry ass and do that something useful are the times when you should get off your sorry ass and do something useful. We all wait for that one thing, anything really. As long as that thing gives us something to look forward to, something to strive for, we wait for it. We whine and bi***, but it’s so hard to really try and accomplish it, to make it true. Stop playing Guitar Hero and start playing a real guitar. Stop sitting in your room playing your guitar and do something with it. Stop lip-syncing(for those who care, I can't stop watching 2:00 - 3:00) and start singing. Stop singing to yourself and sing to others. Stop dreaming and get that persons number. You can make up the rest for yourself, a unique list that fits only on you.

I hate to sound like a nihilist(I am not a nihilist, however), but what’s the point? You’ll never get good at it, you’ll never actually do that, that will never happen, they’d never go out with you, etc. It seems like negativity is instilled into our brains. The parameters of convention are forced upon you, and there you sit, waiting and dreaming of what could, or perhaps should, have been. Imagine if you didn’t just sit here. Well, dream that you weren’t, that you were out there doing something. Imagine the possibilities; life could be so much more. To some like me, it's a sad and scary thought that we ourselves can( not necessarily will) do a whole mess of crap for ourselves.

Even with all that happening around us, we still need time to ourselves. Times we want to be alone with out thoughts. Times to think, plan out, dream, imagine, and wonder. Extroverts and introverts aren't people who talk a lot, or don't talk at all. Introverts can talk as much, or more, then extroverts. They just need to left alone every now and then, maybe a lot. It doesn't mean they don't enjoy being around people (at least most people).

just wanted to get that out.

i just keep writing the same thing, just with different words

i'm a ******* hypocrite

"what a jerk that dude (me) is!"