but it's better if you do

Whoever gave the rule that wisdom and knowledge comes with age is definitely not looking beyond the two (non)colors of black and gray. Often times I believe the young are the most smart, and I believe the old are most stupid- but of course I understand and know that that is not always the case. Teen angst exists for a reason, of course.

Often, I believe that there are two sides to a person. The reasonable, sane side, and the deceptive, fantastic, and slightly insane side. I'm beginning to realize that the two sides come out based upon where you are, what you're doing, and whether or not you're alone. I find that upon being alone, I tend to veer towards the latter side, teetering on the edge of what I'm normally like in the "outside world". It's really odd, in many ways and I think there's a scientific way of explaining it- but I like to believe that in those hours of being along I go a little insane, and a little more smart in more ways than just Algebra. I like to believe that the world could be at my hand if I wanted, and that all it would really take is a push.

But then, of course, I eventually am brought back to reality, and the feeling- that high, beautiful, oftenly unique feeling of infinity- is taken away and missed. I begin to remember the work I have to do and that I can't possibly stay in the tub any longer for it's past midnight already. All that comes to play and the sadness of it tends to overwhelm sweetly for a little while. It's amazing, though, while it lasts... I wonder if anyone else feels it.

Influence, I believe, is a key to the latter more morbid side of the human brain. I think if you watch a lot of movies and read a lot of stories where a villain is brought to glorification and heroin is your best friend, you tend to believe it. When casual sex is seen to be an everyday escape to momentary love...? I think it's the human mind's way of tempting you- since we all know temptation is everywhere, don't we? When you're the villain long enough, you begin to see yourself as the hero, right? Or is this all too insane? Ha ha ha.

Usually when I get into these odd doses of odd moods, it's in odd parts of the day, like midnight or when I wake up alone in my house. It's like I feel like living within myself and I relish it. I start to think I can get away with things... like cooking breakfast! Ha haha. Or maybe listening to music and singing at the top of my lungs.. or other things. It's just the weirdest, more beautiful sensation ever, and I wonder if it's sadness or happiness or maybe bittersweet both. It's confusion with a K. Karma Police style.

Carma Polise

Scrubbing for my Dollar

To start off the month of May, I’ll write a little something about ‘greed’.

Being my bored self, I took a look at my aunt’s bookshelf, and I spotted an odd looking book, titled “DUH! The Stupid History of the Human Race”. (hmm, maybe that’s true…). I flipped to a random page in the book, which led me to “Chapter 14: Dumb Things Famous People Said.” Wow…really, really interesting…is it?

Actually, it is. Coincidentally, this quote was on the page:

“I think greed is healthy. You can be greedy and still feel good about yourself.”
-Ivan Boesky, financier

I laughed to myself when I read that. In some ways, that’s true—because when you’re greedy, it’s always about yourself. Moments where you feel greedy are the moments where you feel selfish. Don’t take me wrong—you might not be a selfish person, but everyone has their own selfish moments, right?

I can’t even recall the countless moments where I’ve felt greedy. Ranging from video games to books to music, I’ve always dreamed of getting everything. I mean, if you have an amount of wealth equal to that of Bill Gates, you could just point to something you want and you’ll get it! How GREAT is that?

But then again, would you have the same feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment when you buy the item? When you work extremely hard for your money, and you actually start spending it on something, you feel good when you get it, because you know you earned it really well. I mean, you also ‘earned’ the bunches of money you have (when you’re wealthy), but when you earn less, everything you buy will seem so much more valuable. Instead of saying “Oh, wow, the newest Guitar Hero is being released tomorrow. I’ll just go tell my chauffeur to drive me there tomorrow and get it,” it’d be much more satisfying in the end if you said, “Oh, the newest Guitar Hero is being released tomorrow. Let me work hard to earn the amount of money, and then I’ll go buy it!” That way, while you’re playing the game, you’ll have a warm feeling on the inside that you worked your butt off to get this time to play.

Dang! That was a long, random ramble. I’m just sittin’ here at my aunt’s computer in San Diego typing some random article because of this random spark of inspiration from this random book I found on her random bookshelf. Yeah…random.

-the clam.

Stressing out about out stressing.

Stress.

Stress.

Stress.

I can't stress that any further.

Being a human is such a tough job. You constantly have to worry...and you worry when you don’t even know you're worrying. Kids and adults alike, we're all stressed. Humans are made that way.

Let's take a look at an innocent little student:

"Ugh, okay...well, I have math, history, science, and English homework today...don't forget the science fair project...OH! FREAK! THERE'S A PHOTOGRAPHY PROJECT DUE TOMORROW! I haven't even started...not to mention two benchmarks, one test, and one writing exam this week...why, oh why..."

Okay. Now an adult:

"What a tiring day at work...stupid boss...that machine was fixed just moments ago, I swear...I just have to take the blame, don't I, nice-guy...let's see...mail, mail, bill, mail, bill, bill, bill, and bill...FIVE BILLS?! I ain't Bill Clinton here...how am I going to pay all this...I only earn enough to keep my family alive...wow, I'm hungry...OH **** I FORGOT TO PICK UP CODY FROM PRACTICE!"

You can imagine that adult as a woman or a man...same either way.

It's completely never-ending. As a child, we only get five years of rest (more like actually learning to become a normal person), and then we have to go to school for a minimum of 16 years...then you learn more (if you choose to), get a job...find a family...settle down...do more of your job...survive with your family...get old, and...you know what happens next.

Society has made us like this. We can't do much about it. If you choose not to do well in education, you live on the street...and there goes your life. If you choose not to work your job, say bye to your family and future.

Finances, health, and contentment...these three things are like serial killers waiting to strike at the right moment. Like I stated previously before in my post before this...a person constantly worries if the career they choose will earn them enough money, earn them the right amount of cash to support their lives and family. Then comes health dancing into life. One smack from health will send your life tumbling down. Fearing that a loved one may get health problems is another stressful factor. Then contentment...I just want to restate what digital delay said. Contentment doesn't necessarily mean that a person is happy, or satisfied. A person never truly is happy, but content, yes. Even when you're dead excited about getting a new Wii, there's still a small dormant evil hiding behind your mind, waiting for the right moment to explode and pop your bubble of happiness.

Why, do you ask, am I writing an article on such a depressing, but very surreal, actual event occurring everyday topic? Well...because I'm stressed out myself. This blog was meant to help relieve ourselves...release our feelings, and let others know that they're not the only ones that are dealing with these similar problems us Acquired Minds are having. We're all people, and people behave like people, and people have the same feelings as other people.

Enjoy what's left of your day.

-the clam.

P.S. Please remember to vote in this week's poll!

Fear

“We have nothing to fear but fear itself.”
- Franklin Delano Roosevelt

What is fear, exactly? And what do we fear of? It ranges from being as simple as that geometry test tomorrow to something as complicated as the end of the world. What are YOU afraid of? Disappointing someone? Public speaking? Death of your own or a loved one? Loss of love, or even love itself? We can find a reason to fear everything and anything. When you think about it, isn’t fear just a psychological thing? Something our mind just creates when we imagine the worst that could happen? If we separate the world into the categories of the brave or the cowardly, where would you stand? Can we even do that? Everyone has the brave and cowardly moments.

Perhaps Roosevelt was right. Is life really about taking risks? But I admit I am afraid of doing something I may regret. I just don’t trust myself enough to know that I’ll make the right decisions in my life, thus screwing it up. Everyone sees me as the girl who has everything together. I’m just as big of a mess as anybody else, maybe even bigger. But everyone is bound to make mistakes and I know I will. I need to accept that. “The brave may not live long, but the cautious do not live at all.” Yes, it was from the movie The Princess Diaries. But who said a Disney movie can’t be insightful?

When I was little, I was terribly scared of Chuck E. Cheese. Yup, that guy in the rat suit. I think I still am. Something about that rat still gives me the heebie-jeebies. However, I am perfectly fine with Mickey Mouse. In fact, Mickey Mouse is awesome! Weird, huh? I know he’s also in the “fictional rodent character” family, but Disney has a way with things like that.

You know, some people are afraid of a tarnished reputation/low social status. Some pretend not to be, but really are. Some are truly not. Everybody is busy worrying about what other people think. You know what? Cool people aren’t people who follow the crowd or even people who go out of their way to be different to prove that they’re not following the crowd. (Was that hard to follow?) Cool people are the people who just are and that’s good enough for them. Cool people aren’t people who never embarrass themselves. That’s impossible. Everyone does. Cool people are able to honestly laugh (maybe even snort) at themselves. Isn’t it strange how many things are connected to stereotypes and social junk?

I think what makes some of us fear death is the fact that this life is all that we’ve ever known and they don’t want to leave that. I am not afraid of death; it’ll happen to everybody someday. I’m afraid of time; having too much or not enough. I am afraid of not being able to do anything with my life. I want to make an impact and change the world for the better. I know that was such a Miss America answer, probably right along up there with, “World peace,” but I mean it. I want to live, not just exist.

In some ways, I am afraid of knowledge. “As they say, ignorance is bliss. Empty, meaningless bliss, but bliss nonetheless.” - Broken Crayons, Delilah121c. At the same time, I am scared of the dark. I am scared of not knowing what lies ahead and being vulnerable. I know it sounds contradicting, but it’s true.

I am afraid of the future; my own and the world’s. Some have their entire life mapped out perfectly, right down to the type of carpet their future house will have. I don’t even know what career path I want to go down. I want a goal to work toward, but I’m just making it up as I go along. What about the fact that we are killing our planet? Everyone says this, but does nothing. I don’t want to be one of those people. What can we do to keep the earth safe for the generations to come? Time is a factor here, which is one of the reasons that I fear it.

I just don’t want to grow up. Well, I couldn’t find a more sophisticated way to put it, so I just said it the way it is. Ahhh... the carefree state of being a child. It seems safer to be protected than exposed to that exciting, but harsh world out there. We are caught in between. Past being a child, but not yet adults. No, I’m not going to give you the puberty talk. Gosh, I got enough of that from last year’s life science class. Adults treat you like a child, but expect you to take on the responsibilities of an adult and blame acting out on your “crazy teenage hormones.” In some ways, I enjoy belonging in a grey area. Everything is not necessarily black or white. That’s the beauty of it, but also its downfall.

How do you conquer a fear? Is facing it head on really the best way? I think so. Honestly, I’ve never been good at facing my own fears. But I think that we all eventually have to.

All my love,
mourning.glory