Monday, November 10, 2008

Smiles Spungold Wine

Quite recently, a friend of mine said that he was undecided on whether he wanted to join a certain group/club/gathering/cult/etc. He was having trouble deciding because he wanted to be “different”, and “do his own damn thing”. He then proceeded to ask me, “What shall I do oh great and wise master of digitally delaying?”(Or something along those lines) Of course, being the wonderful person I am, I used all of my gathered wisdom to respond with, “Socrates, I fu---ing ain’t.” (maybe that’s a bit too surreal, but you probably [don’t] get the point thanks to my perfectly clear, logical, and orderly method of [attempted] writing) This event made me think of a certain experiment conducted by some dudes in white lab coats. They had a room full of “actors”, and one genuinely idiotic person. They showed a picture of a line on one side, and three lines of varying lengths on the other. The question was placed on which line matched the length of the lone line. Also, the three lines on the other side weren’t exactly so close you needed a microscope with like…10,000,000,000x to differentiate them or anything, this is the kind of thing a six-year-old could do while vomiting and totally pwning a Halo 3 multiplayer game. (due to my strong personal convictions, I would like to state that I have nothing against six-year-olds vomiting, although maybe with six-year-olds playing a game meant for drunken fratssholes…did I just make up a word?). Still, with such an easy task, whenever the other “experimentees” purposefully identified the wrong line as the right one, the genuine person generally followed. We just love conformity don’t we now? We also love (which is where the info is from…ahem), I hope I get paid for saying that too. Imagine that on a wider scale, something like…the actual damn world. But, as I might have stated sometime long, long ago, and as Cracked also did…, there are those who conform against conformity, which is pretty much conformity, just with the word conform repeated twice in a three word span. So, doesn’t that mean that there’s not much we as humans, sociable beings, can do? “Socrates, I f--ki-g ain’t.”

In the whole span of my short, pathetic life, I have had a total of two bottles of this “water” that has “vitamins” in it. Until I realized that I was getting ripped off (which is what I realize every time I purchase something), I had quite enjoyed the drinks themselves. One thing is that they’re not even actually water with vitamins in it. That’s completely misleading, kind of like commercials that say, “Use this shitty deodorant/cologne/fragrance-thing, you’ll laid by all the slutty, plastic women you could ever dream of!”(I’m absolutely sure this thingy works, because, well, males will be males, and because, sex sells) Either that or all the water companies have been lying to me, and the ocean, and pretty much everything else. Also, when was water so expensive? Can’t you get water, some vitamin pills, and some kiwis/strawberries all together and just eat or drink (or ingest them in some other grotesque manner)? That seems pretty easy.

Also, for the post below me, I for one, also, applaud those nice guys. I probably know a few myself without knowing it, and I apologize to you guys. It can be a hard life with asses like me around, who are also hypocrites, and who probably won’t follow up on that apology, and so will continue to be asses…so….sorry

And thanks to that random title making thing for my lovably messed up title

-digital delay

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1 comment:

the clam said...

Wow...crazy article.

And crazy in a really awesome way.


(psst, that random title thingy is cool :P)