It’s the worst of times when you find yourself slapped in the face- Both physically, and mentally. Either way, the worst feeling is when the one thing you’d grown to love is snatched away, or turned against you. You’re just left clinging for your life, hoping that that one thing will somehow, in some way, go back to the way you knew it.
You’re just desperate for things to be normal again, but things are never normal. Your hopes are at the top, but sometimes there is no choice but for it to be shot down. You learn, but you learn the hard way. You feel like crying, and in your head all you can tell yourself is ‘it’s okay, you’ll be okay’. Sometimes- most of the time- things do get better. Other times, they only get worse.
Imagine yourself, going to your favorite book shop/coffee shop/ record shop, every day. You have friends, you know how it runs- you know how the system works. Then, suddenly, everything changes. The owner dies, and next thing you know there’s a for sale sign on the outside door. You think over and over that the change won’t be that big of a change. You think that maybe if enough people are against it, nothing will change.
Until a few weeks later, you walk towards it unexpecting- thinking that everything will be the same. Only to find it empty- gone without a moment’s notice. You realize then how important that book shop/coffee shop/record shop was to you, and when suddenly, not a month later, there’s a new book shop/coffee shop/ record shop, you realize that it’s something that can’t be replaced. It’s too important to you.
You see, all the people are still there. All the same people who’ve known you by name, or have seen you around. The only thing is that this time around, there are also the new faces nobody’s ever seen before. You should be glad they’re there, but you’re not. You miss having good old Rhetta bringing you a coffee/ recommending a cd/ getting you a book. The coffee/books/cds just aren’t/isn’t as good as before. Everything is tainted with that newness that’s screaming in your face.
You didn’t realize how important something was to you until it was gone, and now you’re just left desperately hoping that somehow time would turn back and everything would be back to normal. That the same table you sit at by the window still had ‘Fck whatever president on it’.
Things have changed, and sometimes it’s not okay, and you don’t want to be on your way. You just desperately want things to be the way they are in your head. Desperately.
3 comments:
I like your little Panic at the Disco reference :)
Lovely, meaningful article, darling.
is this sparked partially by the quizilla thing? wow, i didn't realize it meant so much to you. also the whole graduation thing and going seperate ways thing, huh? i know. i feel that way to. amazing article.
Darn I spelled too wrong! Anyway, I forgot to say that people and things you love change. Some fade fast. No matter how much it sucks, it's an unavoidable part of life, even though we don't want to move on or let go. but we learn to get used to it or change along with it, whether for the better or worse. just know some things never change.
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